Eight years
ago I presided over my daughter’s wedding in
California. I wrote the following
“Introduction” for the occasion, something of a summary of my understanding of
marriage’s meaning.
Katie
and Mike, this is your day.
You
are about to declare your marriage to one another and to the world. This is the day you’ve been arcing toward throughout your separate lives
from the days you were born.
Today,
before your families and friends, you will declare that you are married, that
you are, indeed, from this day onward husband
and wife—a relationship that is
honored for its steadfastness and respected for its integrity.
There
is no relationship like a marriage in which there is a giving of self—freely
and gladly— and in which there is taking from the other –in desire or in
need—as the occasion demands.
What allows such a relationship to succeed is not so much desires
fulfilled or needs met, but a commitment to the marriage itself, which is
greater than desire and need. Your
marriage will be outside of either of you, but possible only through both of
you.
A marriage is a sacred undertaking.
It is the means to a new courage, a more resilient strength to make a
larger world out your singular worlds, a sanctuary of comfort and peace, and a
mutuality of desire fulfilled. A
marriage is a sacred undertaking born and reborn through the changes of your
lives together.
A marriage is a commitment to fashion a cup of meaning that holds children in its midst, seeking their
nurture, that they may mature into capable and confident human beings.
Mike and Katie, this is your day.
Perched as you are on the threshold of your marriage, take pause to
appreciate the declaration you are making.
Know the hope you have within you—a reasonable hope. Imagine the richness that converges for you
and opens to an even greater richness you may together create—richness
expanding out of richness.
As you pause and appreciate, make a silent, solemn, sincere vow that
you shall keep your individualism, while not violating the individualism of
your partner in your life together. Let
your personalities be greater than before, because you choose to be wife and
husband to one another. Thus you will
grow in love, because you will continue to grow individually.
Katie and Mike, this is your day.
We,—your parents, your families, your friends,—we give you our
enthusiasm and support for what you are undertaking. We give you our love, of course; and when you
seek the wisdom of our days, we
will offer you our counsel. Don’t
hesitate, ever, to call on us.
We are implicated with you in the sacredness of your marriage. You extend, continue, and complete us. We are more than witnesses, we are
participants in this great occasion.
Mike and Katie, this is your day.
We give you our blessings, as well as our hopes on this momentous day.
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